John Tyler High School
Tyler,Texas
Class Of 1968
LIONS DEN
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Mary Ann Stephenson Shaddox
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ALZHEIMER'S Posted Monday, April 20, 2009 07:34 PM For anyone that is experiencing the pain of a loved one or a friend with Alzheimers hopefully this will be of some comfort to them. My Mother had Alzheimers for about 8 years. Over 4 years she spent in a Nursing Home Memory Lane Facility. Thru guidance and finally coming to realize what Alzheimers really was I understood that I did all I could do. Her last 2 years she did not even know who I was or that she even had a daughter. Very painful for me. The following describes exactly how the disease effects the person and how to cope with this disease. This was in a frame with flowers around it in her room to remind myself and the caregivers that she was still a person and need to be treated with dignity. I had a dream that I went on a journey to the center of your mind. As I entered, I saw halls upon halls filled from beginning to end with rooms. Each room contained a memory of a story, or a smile, or a tear. I started searching each room, examining its contents. Some rooms were filled with memories shiny and new. Others contained their memories, but they were dusty and tarnished with time. In some I would see sparks of memory and rush in to dust them off, hoping that would make them more permanent, and able to withstand whatever it was that was making them fade. And then there were those I found to be already empty. As if some unseen thief had taken away every last treasure that once been stored there. I thought that maybe if I reminded you of the contents that once occupied these rooms, the memories would reappear. That somehow I could steal back from the thief all the things he had taken. Finding that futile, I continued my journey through the hallways. Some rooms were locked, the contents of which I had never known. I couldn't get in to dust them off, and I had no idea how important or valuable the things once stored there had been, or if they even still existed. So I tried to concentrate on guarding what I could, dusting off the contents of as many rooms as fast as I was able. But when, by accident, I stumbled upon a room I had already visited, I found that the items had already grown dusty again. The sparks of memory no longer shined brightly and all my efforts had been in vain. So I started running frantically, trying to find the door which held all those lost fragments of time. Searching and searching until I finally found a door that was different from all the rest. I flung it open and looked inside, and there, in the biggest room I'd found so far, piled up from floor to ceiling were so many things, shiny and new, not dusty or worn from time, but in tact. And I thought, here they all are!! They were not missing at all, just misplaced, simply lost for a while. But as I stood longer in the room and inspected what I had found, I realized these were not the things for which I had been searching, not memories that can come and go or vanish unexpectedly. Rather, these were permanent fixtures, characteristics and qualities built strong over time and unable to be stolen or tarnished, things I could't improve by dusting or rearranging. And I realized that, just as these objects were not your memories for which I had been searching, neither was this the perfect room even part of your mind, but part of your heart. So I closed the door and left you there as you were and I realized that, in searching for something I thought you lost, I found something that I had lost instead. I found my own memory that what made you such a beautiful person was not whatever it was held in your mind, but what you kept in your heart. So my new quest now is not to replace the things that you may be missing, but to devote rows upon rows of rooms in my own mind to the memory of you - to keep those rooms dust-free and shiny and always treasured; or even if you may forget how important you are and how many lives you've touched...I never will. Dedicated to my Mother With Much Love From Her Daughter. Born: June 14, 1918 Died: November 18, 2006 Hopefully a cure will be found for Alzheimers soon. |
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Christi Sides Roberts
 Joined: 03/31/09 Posts: 39 View Profile |
RE: ALZHEIMERS Posted Tuesday, April 21, 2009 03:42 PM Mary Ann, what a beautiful analogy. My father also had Alzheimer's and we took care of him the last 3 years of his life. It a heartbreaking disease and very difficult for families and loved ones who are the caretakers. Christi |
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Linda Staples Peery
 Joined: 04/05/09 Posts: 2 View Profile |
RE: ALZHEIMERS Posted Saturday, April 25, 2009 05:04 PM Mary Ann that was a lovely tribute to your mom. I watched my mother=in-law go thru the same thing, but of course was not with her as much as the daughter and other son. We saw her only weeks before she passed, but she was less that 50 lbs, at death. Very sad disease. thanks for sharing your memories. Linda S. Peery |
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Jake (Kelly) Tidmore
 Joined: 03/31/09 Posts: 98 View Profile |
RE: ALZHEIMERS Posted Sunday, September 13, 2009 09:35 AM Every once in a while, I do some more reading on Alzheimer's since my mother has it. Thanks MASS for posting your thoughts on the subject. It continues to help me deal with it within my own family. I just got a book on the subject by Tom Batiuk and Chuck Ayers called "Safe Return Home." I highly recommend it. |
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Christi Sides Roberts
Joined: 03/31/09 Posts: 39 View Profile |
RE: ALZHEIMERS Posted Sunday, September 13, 2009 09:49 AM I lost my father to Alzeimers also. Terry, Tim and myself took care of him and his care the last 3 years of his life. It was heartbreaking but healed some wounds and brought closure to some hurts from our estrangement from him through the years. Paige's husband Dan's mother has Alzheimers. His father is taking care of her at home with the help of Dan's two sisters who both live with them. When I was in Seattle and asked Dan how Mary Ellen was doing he said he felt like his mother was already dead. She doesn't recognize him or any of his siblings. He said "When a person loses their memories, they lose themselves". He's starting the grieving process now. Jake, myself, Mass, and all of us that have been through this know exactly what Dan means. Christi |
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Mary Ann Stephenson Shaddox
 Joined: 09/22/09 Posts: 1 View Profile |
RE: ALZHEIMERS Posted Monday, October 26, 2009 11:46 AM Jake...My heart goes out to you and your family because I know what you are going thru and it is not easy... I would hate to ever have to go thru what I did again with another loved one. It is much harder on the families than it is the person with Alzheimers... |
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